08 November 2011

Marie's Page

....Marie Dimberg that is. You didn't think Marie Fredriksson would actually be involved in her own website did you? HA! You obviously don't know her very well then....
Marie Dimberg works for EIM. She is lovingly referred to by Roxette fans as "Dragon Dimberg" as she is so friendly and helpful at all times. Read on to find out more about the caring, charismatic Marie Dimberg....
3rd Jucember - Roxette actually want to make a new album. After all the effort I've put into sabotaging their last 3 efforts- I'm still congratulating myself for getting Luis Nonsensolar to translate Baladas en Espanol...what a stroke of genius. Oh well I'm just gonna have to get more creative.
10th Jucember - Got a letter from EIM today. They told me to make sure this album doesn't get any promotion because quite frankly they are embarrassed to be associated with Roxette at all. I know how they feel...
17th Jucember - I convinced Marie and Per to take a holiday from all their hard work. They've only spent one week on the album. Luckily they agreed with me.
25th of Jucember - Marie and Per got back from holidays. After a stressful day in the studio, I decided it was time for a break and sent them to Hawaii for some well deserved time off.
1st Decuary - Beavis and Butthead...er I mean Marie and Per....got back from holidays. I offered them an all expenses paid trip to the Canary Islands but they said it was time to get to work. DAMN!
3rd Decuary - Tried to set fire to the studio but the sprinklers came on and I only succeded in charring the mixing board. Damn.
10th Decuary - There were fans waiting outside the studio today. God I hate fans. They are the lowest form of life...drooling, screaming little pests...
12th Decuary - Talked Marie and Per into recording the album in Spain. A little studio in a remote place where no one will hear the screams...
16th Decuary - Spain was a good idea. They're so busy getting drunk that nobody's working. Ahh I'm so clever...
18th Decuary - A difficult day - we ran out of alcohol!!
19th Decuary - Everyone's starting to sober up...this is not good.
20th Decuary - After a mad dash to the liquor store everyone is nicely boozed up again.
24th Decuary - I heard some of the songs...they are quite good. I'm going to have to do something about that. I wonder if I can convince Per that techno would really suit Roxette...
25th Decuary - I managed to persuade Marie and Per to use Karl-Magnus today for the cover design. I'm paying him extra to use hideous colours and terrible arrangements. That should guarantee a total flop...
27th Decuary - Things were getting tense so we all took 6 months off to have a holiday.
2nd Augril - Back from holidays.
3rd Augril - Persuaded Per to scrap all the songs they've recorded and write a whole new album.
5th Augril - More fans outside the studio today. I managed to scare them off by charging at them with my car. Nearly got one of them, but only managed to wind him with the wing mirror. DAMN!
6th Augril - Marie wants to write more songs for the album. This could be a problem - she's a really good songwriter. I'll just have to undermine her self confidence. It's not that hard.
8th Augril - Marie wrote a fantastic song today and asked for my opinion. I told her it "I don't want to offend you, but in my honest opinion it was the worst piece of trash I ever heard." Later that day I heard her crying in her bedroom. Eh, well she'll get over it.
9th Augril - Now Marie wants another holiday. I should insult her more often.
20th Augril - Back from holidays. All these holidays are making me tired I think I need another one.
27th Augril - Back in the studio after a week in the Bahamas. Clarence says we shouldn't take so many holidays. I think I'll fire him.
28th Augril - Decided to hire another producer just to mess with Clarence's head. Hopefully with too many producers nobody will be able to agree on anything...
29th Augril - My plan worked and they're all so busy fighting that nothing is getting done.
2nd Suptober - They've sorted out their problems and everyone is working hard to finish the new album. You can't win 'em all.
3rd Suptober - Per wants to call the album "Do you want fries with that". What an incredibly tacky, stupid title. I love it.
7th Suptober - Today I managed to persuade Per and Marie not to bother promoting the next single.  It's easy with Per as you just flatter his ego, but Marie suspects. She nearly found my "Savage Garden" CD today...  It was close but I managed to hide it amongst my make-up (and if she found out why I use so much there really would be trouble).
9th Suptober - EIM said to do ANYTHING to make this album flop. If they weren't working with me on this one it would be much harder.
10th Suptober - Today I'm going to give Marie driving lessons.
12th Suptober - Today I was discharged from the hospital with only a minor concussion.
13th Suptober - Today some fans wanted autographs from Per again. Why don't they ever ask for MY autograph???? I'm important too!! I was in the Really Roxette documentary wasn't I? I got to tell that great story about ringing Per from Australia (THE LAND OF SAVAGE GARDEN!!)...I was so funny I almost stole the show. Took some attention away from that little prima donna Marie Fredriksson.....she thinks she's so good WELL SHE'S NOT. I'm prettier than her and I'm sooooo much more talented and Per should ask ME to join the band....MEEEEEEEEE!!! I think I need a drink....or seven...
14th Suptober - Woke up in a gutter somewhere. Think I'll call Per....
15th Suptober - Everyone keeps saying Savage Garden sound like Roxette. I DON'T THINK SO!! How could anyone compare that bimbo Marie to my beloved Darren?? Oooh, Darren, I love you Truly, Madly Deeply....
17th Suptober - Today this stupid hysterical fan wanted autographs again. I wasn't in the mood so I set her on fire.
18th Suptober - Marie told me she was going to let her hair grow. I convinced her she looks much better with the military style butch-manhating-feminist crewcut that she has had for the last 5 years. She actually believed me and went straight to the hairdressers to have her head shaved! Oh, sometimes my job is too easy.
19th Suptober - I saw Darren from Savage Garden at an awards show but I was too shy to speak to him. My sweet Darren, if only you understood my love for you...
25th Suptober - I told Marie that she looks really good when she slathers on 6 inches of dark eye makeup. LESS IS NOT MORE! Once again, she actually believed me. I don't even have to try anymore, that woman falls for anything. Suppose it's not surprising considering her choice of partner...
1st Novgust - Last night I snuck into Marie's bedroom and whispered "Cigarettes are good for you, you NEED a cigarette" 200 times into her ear. This morning she was all jittery and anxious - so I kindly left her pack of cigarettes beside her bed because that's the sort of nice person that I am. I gave her extra strong ones so hopefully it'll completely ruin her voice. We'll just have to wait and hope...
2nd Novgust - My plan worked - Marie keeps sneaking outside and returns smelling of smoke. Her voice is sounding a little husky. Hehehehe...
3rd Novgust - Today we were talking about Savage Garden and Per said they sucked and that "The Moon and Back" was the worst song he'd ever heard and that Darren was gay.
4th Novgust - Per woke up this morning with severe stomach pains. He was rushed to the hospital, and they said he had been poisoned. Mysterious.
5th Novgust - Clarence almost found the cyanide in my purse. I told him it was skin toner. I think he believed me.
7th Novgust - I LOVE YOU DARREN HAYES!!!
10th Novgust - We ran into some fans again. How did they find us in Spain? I poured the rest of the cyanide into their McDonalds so that should be the last we see of them.
12th Novgust - Per was planning to rewrite some lyrics, but I told him that fans LIKE songs that don't make sense.
20th Novgust - Marie Hayes. Marie Dimberg-Hayes. Marie Hayes-Dimberg...yes I think I like that one. I wonder what we will call our children...Darren Junior...Darren the second...
31st Novgust - The album is finally finished. I fought a good fight and I tried as hard as I could. Now I can concentrate on messing up the promotion...
1st Octember - Did the photo shoot today. I slipped a hallucinogen into Marie's coffee so that she would be completely out of it. Seemed to work, she just staggered around screaming. And the makeup - she'll need paint stripper to get that stuff off her face! She looks like a drag queen!
5th Octember - I saw Savage Garden's new video on MTV today! Oooooh Darren looked so sexy!
10th Octember - Saw the Fries album cover for the first time. It was so bad that I almost asked them to change it. I mean, even I have my limits. But Per thinks it's great so we're sticking with it.
11th Octember - Marie saw the cover today. She had to be hospitalised in a nearby mental facility after she tried to physically attack the photographer.
20th Octember - Do You Want Fries With That was finally released. I made sure the release date coincided with the Backstreet Boys new album so it wouldn't get any attention.
21st Octember - After seeing a giant promo poster of herself in the mall, Marie asked if I would be able to get her into a witness protection program so she could change her identity.
3rd Marune - We started a promotion tour, but we're not going to any important countries so it should be okay.
4th Marune - Now I remember why I hate promo tours. So many creepy little fans crawling around. Ugh.
5th Marune - I heard Darren Hayes just got a new girlfriend.
6th Marune - Took a quick flight to Australia.
8th Marune - I wonder if anyone will ever find the body....nah, Australia is a big country.
10th Marune - Oh no, Have a Nice Day has sold 500 000 copies already. I'm gonna have to work harder if I want this to be the worst selling Roxette album ever. I wonder if I can persuade Per to get a REALLY bad haircut....
11th Marune - I waited until Per was asleep and then I cut his hair with dog clippers. He looks like he got stuck in a blender, but of course he thinks he looks fabulous. I caught him standing in front of a mirror saying "hey there good looking" this morning.
13th Marune - We got Per to answer online questions from fans on the internet. It was the best idea I've had - Per hates fans as much as I do and it's only a matter of time before he starts being rude to them...should be a good way to piss off a few of the little bastards.
15th Marune - Saw the clip for Wish you Would Die....it's a bit too tasteful for my liking.
16th Marune - An American record company offered Roxette a really great contract - I told them to go jump off a cliff and die miserably.
17th Marune - Marie Dimberg loves Darren Hayes forever and ever.
18th Marune - I can't believe I did this, but I somehow talked Marie and Per into doing a Spanish version of Do You Want Fries With That. And - we're getting Luis Nonsensolar to do the translations again!! Oh, EIM will give me a raise after this...
19th Marune - We had an interview with the biggest radio station in the UK scheduled, but I decided it would be good publicity so I cancelled it.
20th Marune - Damn, damn, DAMN!! Wish You Would Die is getting loads of airplay and went to #11 on the UK charts!! Oh god, EIM are gonna kill me for this....the next 3 videos are going to be the WORST ever seen, I'll make sure of it! I'm thinking - hideous dresses, bad makeup...and fish.
21st Marune - The waste of space - Per - wants to release Crush on You as the next single. I thought it might actually have a chance of being a hit, so I convinced him that Anyone is the best choice.
24th Marune - Per is getting angry about the lack of promotion from EIM. I asked him if he was losing weight so he spent the rest of the week in front of a mirror admiring himself and forgot all about complaining.
29th Marune - Dimberg and Darren sitting in a tree K.I.S.S.I.N.G
3rd Febuly - Per seriously thinks they will tour with this album. Over my dead body.
4th Febuly - This promo tour is getting too successful...I'll have to put an end to this.
7th Febuly - I had a chat to Marie and convinced her that all this travelling is not good for her children, and she immediately agreed to end the promo tour. That was easy enough...now it's gonna be harder to persuade Per.
8th Febuly - Told Per that all the travelling was making him gain weight. He cancelled the rest of the tour at once.
10th Febuly - EIM called me into their office this morning and told me that if Do You Want Fries sells one more copy, I'll be fired.
12th Febuly - Got on the Roxette Mailing List and told everyone that DYWFWT is commercial crap.
14th Febuly - Those moron Roxette fans actually agreed with me. They're a bunch of sheep, just tell 'em what to think and they think it. I mean in this case it was true but I could have said any old rubbish and someone would have agreed...
20th Febuly - Roxette did the video shoot for Anyone today. I told Marie that misshapen mustard sack dresses with spangly bits are very fashionable. She was really suspicious, but she wore it.
21st Febuly - Marie almost drowned at sea today. I got my hopes up for a moment but she was rescued. Next time I'll get sharks.
27th Febuly - We decided to release Stars as the next single just to destroy any shreds of credibility they may have left.
28th Febuly - Anyone who loves Darren like I do, knows it never really happens at all...
29th Febuly - I can't believe 1.5 million people actually bought this album. The cover alone should have been enough to send them screaming.... Nevermind - there won't be many more copies sold after I'm finished with the next video... I wonder if I could get Marie to dress up as a queen and jump in a river with three singing plastic yellow ducks?? No, even I couldn't persuade Roxette to do something so ridiculous...